ABOUT MEN (AM) - The Eternal Question

I was giving a talk the other night about men, body language, and dating. At one point I casually mentioned that when in close physical contact men are always assessing that question so poignantly expressed by Brad Pitt's character in Fight Club - butt or balls?

As you may recall, Pitt's character is sitting on the plane with Ed Norton's character. At a certain point, Pitt gets up to go to the bathroom and has to slide past Norton. He mentions the dilemma of deciding which to present to Norton as he passes close by.

As I said to my students (all of whom were female), men consciously make those assessments all the time. They don't usually put a lot of thought into it - more of a split second decision - but they ARE at least half-consciously making that decision. If they are in a crowded bar and will be sliding past a woman, you can tell if he is interested in her by which he presents, butt or balls. If he passes facing her, then he finds her attractive. If he is facing away, he does not. This will always be the case and he HAS considered it, if only for a microsecond, before passing.

Of course, this gets more complicated the more crowded the bar and when other sexual orientations are involved. If he is straight and has to squeeze between a guy and an unattractive girl, he'll probably face the girl. If he is gay, depending on his preferences and his perception of the other guy he may face either way. If two straight guys have to pass closely by and there is enough room they will pass face to face so that they can subconsciously express dominance. If there isn't enough room, they will pass butt to butt.

But the point is, at some level men are ALWAYS making those kinds of decisions when passing by another person. Butt or balls?

My female students were all shocked and incredulous. So they rushed out and asked their husbands.... who all confirmed that indeed at some level they do. Men aren't really subtle. They are always aware of where their penis is and are always pointing it towards the things they find attractive. Kinda like a sexual compass whose needle always points to fun.

So next time you are out in a crowded place and want to know if that guy finds you attractive, time it so that he and you will have to walk past each other very closely (usually next to the bar is the busiest place). Watch (and feel) the body language and you will have your answer.